Confession time – tonight, I was glancing through my Facebook wall. A friend had posted something a few days ago that I had neglected to respond to, and so I had a moment and wanted to go back and respond. When I pulled up my page, one of the first things I saw was my own blog post from yesterday – “How Do You Measure Success?”
I saw that no one had like my post. I thought, “What the heck???!!!!! That was a good blog! I did some good writing!” I wondered what was wrong. I started to become discouraged.
Then I realized what I had done.
I had allowed the fact that no one “liked” a post – a post about not finding your value in goals and recognition from others – to discourage me.
I had judged myself on the very standard that I had told others to avoid!
Now why am I writing this and admitting it?
Because I need to. Because if I keep that in the dark, it can create issues for me.
Instead, I’m exposing it to the light.
One of the things that is a struggle for me is that I seek peoples’ approval. And that means that if I’m not careful, if I’m not intentional, and if I’m not walking in the Spirit, I can act out of that need for peoples’ approval.
That’s not healthy. It’s rooted somewhere in a lie that I’ve believed about my own lack of value or in where my value comes from. I’m still working through where and when and why I first believed that lie, and what the actual lie is. And, I’m still learning that all the approval I need is my Father’s approval. My value doesn’t lie in what anyone else thinks of me or says about me, and my value doesn’t even lie in what I think about myself.
My value has already been determined by my Father, and He demonstrated my value through His Son Jesus at the cross.
The tough thing is that I know this. In fact, those of you who attend Awakening Alliance know that I preached on this very thing just two weeks ago. But man, is it hard to re-program our thinking when we have lived under the influence of lies for a long time.
Honesty is hard. But it is powerful. And I want to be free. So, here I am, being honest about not practicing what I just preached about and blogged about it! This wasn’t easy to admit to myself, let alone to all of you.
But I’m learning. Tonight or tomorrow, I’ll probably be on Facebook, and I’ll probably notice if anyone like this post or not. But before I do, I’ll remind myself that it doesn’t matter. As my friend Rob Reimer says often, the issue of my value was settled at the cross.
I’ll end with the same two questions I asked Wednesday, because I needed to ask myself these same things again: “What about you? How do you measure yourself?”
If you’re interested in learning more about following Jesus, check out my new devotional book, Forty Days of Walking With Jesus: A Devotional Guide, now available on the Kindle Store. A paperback version will be available in just a few weeks.